I Joined a BLW Facebook Group (and it kind of freaked me out)

When I was pregnant with my oldest, I found out quickly that googling pretty much anything related to pregnancy or parenting led to message boards and Facebook groups. I then learned that message boards and Facebook groups were full of people screaming at each other using acronyms that I didn't understand and it GAVE ME HIVES.

I gave up googling pregnancy questions and went straight to the doctor or knowledgeable friends. In many cases I learned to trust my instincts, something surprisingly obvious but also challenging in our day and age.

The fear of parenting-centered message boards reemerged when I started to research baby-led weaning.

Before I began teaching courses (and writing a book!) on BLW, I got a lot of my information on the topic the same way most folks do: I googled it. While there was definitely some good information out there, a lot of what I found was cloaked with rules and warnings. I remember saying out loud to myself “wait, is what I’m doing dangerous??”. That is the feeling you get when you read the list of BLW rules pinned to the top of Facebook groups.

So, what freaked me out?

The term "strict" BLW is thrown around a lot which I surmised meant extreme BLWing. There are several closed FB groups that will literally remove without warning any member that mentions pureed food. Applesauce? Get the hell out of town. Pumpkin puree for a baby? Are you a loon? YOGURT?! Yogurt is fine but ONLY if you don’t attempt to help baby eat it in any way.

One of the message boards I stumbled upon gave the OK for foods that are "naturally pureed" (huh?) like applesauce and yogurt, but if you pureed it yourself or bought it in a pouch you better throw that ish out of a moving car. Another group highlighted in every post "it's not true BLW if your baby isn't eating exactly what you're eating". I know the point is one family, one meal, but I don't see the benefit of making moms feel like they're failing if they eat the last piece of pizza themselves while offering avocado toast to baby. I also saw more than once the suggestion that introducing both pureed along with non pureed textures was not only the antithesis of BLW, but that it was dangerous (definitely not true). 

Does it really have to be so all or nothing?

To dietitians like myself, “all or nothings” are a big ole red flag. All or nothing habits for adults sometimes take the form of extreme diets (that fail). It seems, food related all-or-nothings can start with babies if you stumble onto one of these "strict" BLW Facebook groups. 

The Heart of BLW (in my opinion)

What attracted me to BLW was not the pretty little sticks of food served up with a steaming bowl of rules, it was the focus on the feeding relationship. The goal of feeding baby in a responsive way as a team, rather than one person feeding another, whether they were interested in or not.

What I teach in my courses and in the BLW Baby Food Cookbook is the constant need for parents to evaluate their own gut responses. You and your baby are in charge. Feeding is a parenting decision that will undoubtedly take a lot of trial and error to get right for you and your little one. I love BLW, but BLW isn’t the perfect way to feed your baby because there is no perfect way. I would wager the majority of families out there end up pulling from several different “approaches” to feeding and land on what works best for them at the time.

Responsive Feeding

This is what I have been calling my feeding approach as I’ve realized that it doesn’t necessarily fit into the BLW box. I recommend allowing a baby-led approach, which means baby is in charge of how much or even if they eat any given food. This can involve a responsive parent holding a spoonful of puree just as easily as it involves a babe helping themselves to a spear of avocado. The window of time where babies might need (might! many don’t need any help) some assistance with feeding is SO short, and before you know if they will be on their way and feeding themselves.

One of the major things that is happening with the introduction of solids is an exploration of new textures (and flavors!). Puree is a texture. There is nothing unsafe about incorporating purees at the same time as more solid foods like avocado or cucumber spears or beginning with responsively fed purees fed and transitioning to solid foods. I realize what I’m describing isn’t “true” BLW, and that’s OK with me if it’s OK with you.

In the future you'll find me resuming my message board avoiding ways. It's been my experience that I just don't leave a message board or Facebook group feeling more confident about my abilities, I usually leave feeling annoyed and overwhelmed. There is probably a lot of good information buried within these groups, but there are so many other great sources of reliable info out there. Find a group moderated by experts, consult a research backed book (like the ones above) or course, text a friend who knows their stuff, or email me 💁🏼. 

Have you guys had any experiences with message boards or groups?